I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
