I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize