Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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