my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You ruined the universe
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
