I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
