At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
