Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You smell like stripper and shame
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
