tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
