you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
