I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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