i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize