There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
