dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
