That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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