So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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