Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
