I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
