Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
