it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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