Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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