i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
