He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
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we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
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Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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