so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize