it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
