I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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