I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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