Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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