This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
