doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
