...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
