I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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