Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
