my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
