I hate all girls vehemently.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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