I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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