I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
