I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
