Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
