I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
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