she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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