I wish they made helmets for livers.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
