he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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