I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
