Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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