One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
