MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Im part way to drunk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
