If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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