there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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