two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you would pick up someone in the library
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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