Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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