Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
