So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
