I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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