this beer tastes like vomit already
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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