we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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